Recently a female friend of mine called me and was complaining about how her boyfriend was a douchebag and only used her for s3x. She talked about how she’d travel across states to go and visit him and he’d treat her like a rag and make her feel inhumane, she cried and told me that he broke up with her and now she doesn’t know where to start from.

Close to a year ago, I was toasting this said girl and so was her ‘now’ ex. While he was toasting her from the boyfriend angle I was toasting her with the friends with benefits angle. During that period she told me about how he was very possessive and how he had slapped her, she told me he had a baby mama and he also lived far, basically, this dude had nothing on me. I, on the other hand, was a chef and a mixologist who treats women well, I wasn’t a player and my conversation skills were fire, during that period I was still searching for myself (this is an actual thing) and I wasn’t ready for a relationship. I told her this and I offered we be fvck buddies with no strings attached while the other dude told her to be his girlfriend. Being the typical Nigerian girl, she chose the scum who asked her to be his girlfriend over the dude who offered just s3x (and good food with cocktails).

The truth is, both of us wanted s3x from her but he was smart enough to use the umbrella of relationship to cover it up (like most Nigerian men tend to do because they know you won’t give it up that easy) and she fell right into it. She invested her emotions and time into him, he got exactly what he wanted and when he was done enjoying what he came for he discarded her like a used condom. She chose a sad relationship over glorious sessions of dick appointments all because she preferred one title to another. Now she’s calling me asking if my D is still available for appointments, best believe my answer was no. I don’t play second fiddle and I don’t do leftovers.

Moral of the story: Just because a guy asks you to be his girl doesn’t always mean he has good intentions for you and sometimes having friends with benefits is better than being in a relationship.