In Nigeria Everything Na 'Double Double'

08:42:00Opeyemi Famakin

It is common knowledge that in Nigeria nothing is reliable so as a typical Nigerian you should always have a back up for everything you need for survival and if you can you should even have more than one back up.
Now let’s quickly run a check to see if you are a true Nigerian. If you checked above 5 you are ‘Naija for Life’. Here is my top 7 Doubles a typical Nigerian should have

1. Two or More Phones/A 2sim Phone and Another One
No matter what they say in the adverts no Nigerian phone network is half reliable Full Stop!

2. Two Phone Batteries
This is particularly common for blackberry users. PHCN couldn’t care less about the durability of your batteries and wouldn’t stop fluctuating the current because of you.

3. Two or more PHCN Phase
If you don’t have this you are an executive member of ‘Last’ma its either you like to suffer or you are simply punishing yourself for something you cannot confess.

4. Two and Above Power Generators
This is the original Nigerian National ID card. Anyone who has just 1generator is not a fully registered Nigerian. Trust me even the Baba Ramotas and Iya Silifas have at least 2 “I pass my neighbors”

5. Two or more Boyfriends/Girlfriends
Well this is practically a norm everywhere but it is fast becoming an ‘accepted’ norm in Nigeria.
Almost every Nigerian has one or more “side chics” or “side dudes”. If one is not available, another should always be on call. Or you should have both or more to execute different tasks. For Example: one for the movies, one for clubbing, one for free rides, one for the bedroom’ and in the case of the guys you have one for public display, one for the bedroom, one for the kitchen, one to just spoil silly and many more.

6. Use of ‘Double Words’ Expression
As a Nigerian, you must use double words expressions such as ‘lai lai’, ‘now now’, ‘tey tey’ ‘kia kia’, ‘meji meji’. ‘bom bom’, ‘ wuru wuru’ ‘gra gra’, ‘were were’ ‘jaiye jaiye’, ‘bla bla’ , ‘di e di e’, ‘shuku shuku’, ‘puff puff’, ‘sharp sharp’, ‘corner corner’ ‘yama yama’, ‘poto poto’, ‘lau lau’ e.t.c
You can hardly go a paragraph without saying any of these words.

7. Two or More Bank Accounts
This one is very very important. Even if you don’t have money you must have more than one bank A/C. Nigerians have this for different reasons… some have personal A/Cs and salary A/Cs, Some have runs A/Cs which could be subdivided into Alhaji’s A/C, Chief’s A/Cs, Honorable’s A/C , Senator’s A/C and Allowance A/Cs and a whole lot more. The average Nigerian has more than 1 ATM card. That is standard.