When most Nigerian youths my age talk about their dad’s and flash back on their childhood they remember how their fathers were strict on them and how they chopped belt and pankere for breakfast and whatnot. They talk about how they feared their dad’s as little kids and prayed never to get on their dad’s bad sides. That’s not my case, my dad is the ultimate softie. I remember in nursery school he’d drop me and my little sister in school and peck us on the cheeks and hug us, all my friends used it to tease me. I cant recall him ever flogging me except the one time my mother was over flogging me and then he offered to flog me instead, he took me to the kitchen and told me to pretend to cry and pretended to flog me, that’s literally the only memory I have of my dad ever flogging me. I remember one time for his birthday he got himself a new watch and for like a week I kept complimenting him on the watch and he asked if I wanted and dashed me just like that, I was like 15 and he dashed me a gold watch. Of course I ,misplaced the watch.

So for sallah I decided to be spontaneous and I went to Abuja to visit my Dad. The last time I was in Abuja was in 2013 after I just came back from Jhand, I had added weight like mad and I was too embarrassed to stay in lagos so I ran to Abuja, that’s a story for another time. So before going to Abuja I alerted my friends over there and they were all excited and promised me that once I got to Abuja we were going to paint the town red, Ope was excited as fuck and he took a cab from Kaduna straight to Abuja. As I got to Abuja I alerted some of my friends and they quickly blocked me and took me to a pub where we ate, drank and caught up on each others tales. Basically I had fun andwhen it was getting late I had to go home to my fathers house. As I got home my dad gave me the usual peck and Hug and we gisted and he said we should turnup that Night. He took me to one military club house where all the big men of Abj hungout and I got to meet like 2 ministers and a lot of high ranked military people, I would have taken pictures but at the entrance of the place it boldly said NO PICTURES.

The next day came and I started to ping all my friends telling them I was ready to scatter Abuja and out of like 7 of them only 1 gave me a feedback and we hungout for coffee in the morning, the person had to leave so basically I had the rest of my day to myself. Anyways I went home and spent the remaining day at home accepting sallah meat from the neighbours and watching tv and sleeping. I assumed the next day would be better and everyone would be done all the sallah palava.

The next day came and it was the same, everyone was giving excuses saying they were busy nd shii, I ws confused. Do these people think if they hungout with me they’d foot the bill? Or do they think I’m a begger?, I took it P and just stopped calling anyone to hangout, I had a frown on my face and then my dad noticed and asked me what was happening, then I told him of how y so called friends blew me off thus ruining my day.  He then tried to pacify me and he said he and I could have fun together and I just laughed saying he was too old to have the kinda fun I would have. He then smiled and asked me what I would have done if I and my friends hung out and I told him ‘ We would have gone to the movies, gone to an icecream shop, visited a classy restaurant, hangout at a park and probably clubbed’. He then told me to dress up that everything I just mentioned we were going to do them all, I was shocked and I said he was bluffing but he said I should get dressed first.

Our first stop was the expensive eatery, he took me to tanscorp Hilton where we ate to our fill, as usual he ordered swallow and draw soup and I ordered my fancy meal. After our meal we hungout at the lobby and just gisted, he told me about how he balled in the east during his nysc days and I complained of how I’m suffering in Kaduna. We chatted as if we were old friends catching up. When night time came he took me to one local joint and we both ordered nkwobi and booze. It was very awkward drinking near my dad but there was no point preteding, ope ordered for three bottes of Orijin and 2 plates of nkwobi. We called it a day and he told me we would continue our adventure the next day.

The next day came and I told him we should go to the movies, he complained saying he wasn’t a fan of Hollywood movies that instead he’d take me somewhere better. Then he took me to the wedding of one of his colleagues child and the wedding happened to be an igbo wedding. We were literally the only Yoruba people there, Igbo weddings are apparently fun and not as dramatic as Yoruba weddings, also unlike Yoruba weddings the girls and bridesmaids there aren’t desperate. Like Yoruba weddings everyone was hustling for food but apparently we are proud in my family and my dad said I shouldnt get up to hustle for food, when he saw that there wasn’t any hope for these people to serve us food he made us leave the wedding but before we did we greeted the celebrants. We left the wedding and went to an eatery and gisted for hours about everything, he was even asking me if I have sex and was tellingme he’s not ready to be a grandpa and blablabla, it became awkward at a point tho. So I told him we’ve done everything on the list except clubbing, then he smiled and said he doesn’t know any club so I cheked google maps for the nearest night club and I showed him and we both went there. I swear it was awkward as hell going to a club with my dad, we entered the club and it was kinda scanty. He ordered drinks and we both drank though all he took was malt and bottle water, I danced with just one babe and y 10pm I told my dad we should start leaving cuz I noticed he was kinda uncomfortable. But it was funny though, I took my dad to a club. 

My Abuja trip was hella fun and I learnt a vital lesson… Never trust anyone, they WILL disappoint you.