I’m sure
you’ve probably come across one of those people who always brag about their
ability not to fall in love and them having a stone heart and blablabla. Well I
am one of those people, I pride myself in the fact that no matter how hot or
lovely a girl is I can NEVER catch feelings for her. I might like the babe or
be physically attracted but to catch feelings...mba, that’s not in my dictionary.
Well all that changed when I got to Kaduna.
Being a male
youth corper in another state the aim is always to explore the spices(girls)
the land has to offer, and being posted to the north I was quite sad cuz I
assumed all the girls in the north are dead, and to an extent that’s true.
Almost every weekend I go on dates with different babes in Kaduna hoping to
find one that I can manage, it’s either they cant speak good English(i cant be dating someone who kills people with her grammer), or they
are too local, or they repeat clothes, or something sha. The last straw was
with one 19 year old Yoruba Hausa chick I invited on a date, it was obvious
this girl liked me but her shyness was on another level. There’s the cute kinda
shyness and there’s the ‘WTF is this bitch’s problem’ kinda shy. After going on
the horrible date with the stupid 19 year old I decided to call it quits, I’m
not one to settle for a random babe all in the name of having a girl friend. I
decided to just stick to being single, so far I’ve been single and it’s been
working out fine. Then that night I decided to do my usual round of stalking
random people(babes) on Instagram and stumbled
across the account of one random hausa looking babe. I mistakenly liked one of
her old pictures and so as not to seem like a stalker I just liked 3 other
random pictures and told her to follow back.
And then she
did, I was surprised. Then the holy spirit ministered to me and told me to DM her
and I did and in less than 5 minutes she gave me the line all boys in the dm
zone pray to hear ‘’Im not feeling this dm, this is my number lets chat on
whatsapp”. I was like TF just happened, that was damn fast but who am I to
complain. To cut the long story short in less than 30 minutes her and I agreed
that we would hang out the next day in any venue of my choosing. I was fucking
surprised, to confirm this babe wasn’t a guy in disguise I called her number
and I heard a girls voice with abutty hausa accent. Twas then I
relaxed.
Fast forward
to the next day which was the D day I was indifferent. I assumed this would be
another random date that would end in a disaster, I went through her instagram
pictures again and rated her looks 5/10. I didn’t expect much from the date, I
just hoped to use her to kill my boredom. I went to the bar(not beer parlour)
we agreed to meet at exactly 5pm and chose one coded dark corner(just incase)
and waited. As usual she came late (typical naija babe), she called 20 minutes later
and said she had gotten to the place and was about to enter, lo and behold I
saw a tall FUCKING HOT chick with a
smile that could melt the heart of a thousand men. Her instagram pics lied, she
was a Solid 8. I don’t recall ever falling for a dark skinned babe but for me
to call a babe with the same skin colour as Lupita whatever her surname is Hot
then trust me, she’s a fucking 8. I became nervous and started Hyperventilating
then I reminded myself “Ope, You’re a Lagos boy who has dated Americans and
Britons, why the fuck are you scared over a darkskinned Hausa girl, calm the
fuck down and comport yourself” and I did exactly that. I comported myself, went
over and hugged her, offered her a sit and we started chatting. Her English was
flawless with the butty hausa intonation, her dressing was poise and she had
light make up on so I know I wasn’t being catfished. She was skinny, just the
way I liked, had curves in the right places and tall enough for me to kiss
while standing without bending my head. Apparently
I was falling, I don’t know if we were flirting or having a deep conversation
but I knew with every minute that passed I was falling for this babe. Like me
she also loved travelling and was into an online business, what a match made in
heaven. Ope was in love, I’d smile to myself and she’d ask why I was smiling. I
was smiling thanking God for finally sending me EXACTLY the kinda girl I
wanted, I would have preferred if she was igbo and light skinned but fuvk it,
darkskinned Hausa was good enough for me.
Then it
happened, Devil decided to pour sand in my Garri. I don’t know what happened but she sha
mentioned that she had a boyfriend, and my whole world started to crumble. WHY?
Who did I offend, why didn’t she tell me this while we were chatting on the phone.
Anyways the mood changed on my side, I became quiet. The battle was lost, it
was fun while it lasted. Then I remembered that I’m not a quitter, this was the
first toosh butty Lagos standard babe I’ve seen in Kaduna since I’ve been here
for two month, when next would I see another girl that would meet this babes
standard. So I went back to normal and continued chatting and I insisted that I
wanted to see her again and she suggested we saw upper week, my face changed.
Why upper week, I didn’t hide my displeasure so she said maybe we saw the next
day and I was elated. It was time to leave and I escorted her out of the bar and
gave her a hug. When I got home we spoke on the Phone and had another nice
conversation, then I teased her about coming late and she did something, she
laughed and jokingly said “why would you be angry I cam late, not like you’re
my bf or we are dating, we are just friends nah, friends don’t get angry with
each other”, at that moment I could feel my soul leave my body. So this is the
famous Friendzone everyone has been talking about. I just smiled and quickly
changed the topic.
I want to
use this medium to apologise to any girl I’ve offended in the past, this isn’t a
joking stuff anymore. I feel maybe I used someone and the person carried my
name to a babalawo or maybe I once jilted an ogbanje and she reported me to her
people. I swear I’m sorry for what I did, I’ve changed my ways, Please nullify
whatever you did to me because I’m not finding it funny anymore. Or you know
what, FUVK you. I’ll go to MFM church this Sunday, there’s nothing 7 days dry fasting
cant solve.
DISCLAIMER:
This article eez jurst a jorking sturvs, for all you know it could be a pigment
of my imagination. Don’t take it too seriously.
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