Wow. It’s been months I last wrote a meaningful article on my blog. The last article I wrote was a rant about Coldstone and how bogus their prices were. That’s by the way, I’d explain and give reasons why I haven’t written on my blog but to be honest I’m really not in the mood to do that, just know I’ve been very busy.

Before I talk about the metaphorical goldmines behind my house I’d have to drop a little back story so you guys would understand what I mean by goldmines. So, in the past I lived in Lagos mainland, then went to serve in Kaduna, then after NYSC I moved to my dad’s apartment in Abuja and then he decided to relocate the whole family to a new house in Ikoyi on Lagos island, back story, before we moved to the mainland we lived on the island but it wasn’t this part of Ikoyi. That being said let’s dive into the story.

So it was a random Friday, I left work 2pm, got home early and made myself some gourmet noodles (gourmet means expensive and classy) packed with vegetables and whatnot. After having the hearty Lunch/dinner I took a hot shower and then lay naked on my bed and spread my legs so AC could blow into the right spots.
 While enjoying the AC I thought about how boring my life has become compared to when I was in University and when I served. So I decided to listen to a podcast hosted by some ajebutter dudes who lived on the island.

While listening to the podcast I was just thinking of how I had no friends who stayed on the island and how all these island people are very Bougie and pretentious. When we moved back to Lagos I tried making new friends with them, some night’s I’d hangout with them and I just felt different and out of place. Believe it or not island people are very different from mainland people. The mainland people would call them fake but in reality they aren’t fake, they’re just Bougie.. and very very pretentious. Hanging out with them was VERY expensive and when I’m with them I lowkey feel like a kpako boy. The plot twist is that when I hangout with my friends on the mainland they always tease me calling me butty so basically I feel I don’t fit into anywhere thus my new ‘loner’ phase.

I’m digressing, so on the podcast these butty island dudes were talking about their best hangout spots on the island and they mentioned three places that were literally 3 minutes walk away from my house. They mentioned The Syrian mosque, The Jazzhole and one art gallery whose name I’ve forgotten. And being the spontaneous motherfucker I am I decided I’m going to those three places today and I ain’t spending more than 5k because I ain’t about that life.

So I put on a white round neck shirt and my extra fancy sweatpants I wear only when I wana impress and I headed out. First stop was the Jazzhole. When I entered I felt like I went through a time machine and was in the 60’s. There was a toosh jazz shop right behind my house and I had no idea. I saw records upon records, I saw classics, I saw those fat black cd’s our granddads use to play, I saw history books, and in the background Brazilian music was playing. I really don’t know how to describe the place because I’m not a jazz music geek but this place was awesome, they even had carrot cake crumble being sold there. I wanted to take pictures but I always feel weird taking pictures in public places because I feel it’s the kinda shit snapchat babes do. After spending like 30 minutes there I left, and right opposite it was the art gallery those butty boys mentioned(lol, it feels good to call other people butty).

Can’t remember the name of the art gallery but it was frigging awesome. This time I decided not to dull myself and I took some nice pictures and I just kept saying wow. Imagine this beautiful place right behind my house and I never entered. I had always seen the jazzhole and art gallery almost everytime I went to the mart to get foodstuff but I always asked myself what business I had in such places. I won’t call myself the artsy type but I fed my eyes on all sorts of art. And there was this dude who worked there that took me round telling me the story behind each painting and sculpture. I spent like 45 minutes there , Sadly in both the jazzhole and art gallery there was no babe there, then again who am I kidding. It’s not like I’d have the liver to toast her or anything.

Next stop was the Syrian mosque. The Syrian mosque was closer to my house, you could literally throw a stone from the balcony of my room to their compound. It was a ‘white only’ mosque where Lebanese, Iranians and basically Arabian people prayed and outside the mosque they had a bar/restaurant where they sold their native food with drinks,.. all drinks except alcohol was sold there. I had been there a couple of times with my friends and I can categorically say their pizza and steak is shit. Also the last two times I went there i, my friends and those serving were the only black people. Everyone else there was white or Arabian and they didn’t sell booze so I came prepared. After I left the art gallery I bought a small bottle of water, drank it and then bought small vodka and poured it into the empty bottle of water. Then I walked to the Syrian bar. As usual I was the only black person there and everyone was looking at me as I entered, so ironic, in Nigeria. The last time felt like an outsider was when I and my fam travelled to Mexico but that’s another boring story for another day. So I get to the bar, take a seat and order a fruity cocktail, then I pour my vodka inside and enjoy it. As I enjoyed I just kept staring at the women looking at the ones who were my age, after like 30 minutes I felt like a creep and common sense told me to leave.

That’s basically how I spent my Friday. Oh yeah, those three places are the Goldmines behind my house. I recommend them for first dates. If you live in Ikoyi or Vi and you want to take a girl on a very classy date where you’d spend less than 5k, take her to these three places. The jazzhole and the art gallery are located at awolowo road ikoyi and are opposite each other, the Syrian mosque is off awolowo inside ribadu road, like 5 minutes walk away from the jazzhole. The average Nigerian girl would love it and dig you for taking her to such places. She’d love it because she would use it to take beautiful pictures (most especially the Syrian mosque that has only white people) and she’d love it because no man in her life would ever take her on such a date.

So yeah that’s about it.